1/9/10

Dear you,

I guess I should start this off by saying thank you.
You've always been honest with me and you're one of the most trustworthy people I know. I cannot tell you how glad I am you walked into my life, or should I say how glad I am my dog ran into yours?
Either way, I'm glad we met.

You've been through things that no one, especially a child, should have to go through. You've done so much for me and I really wish I knew some way to repay you. I wish I could take every ounce of pain you have away; I wish I could bring back the past.

There's not a lot of reliable people in your life, if any, but you can rely on me.
I'll always be a phone call away if you need me.

My ears will always be listening if you need to talk.
My arms will always be outstretched if you need a hug.
My heart will always be open if you need a friend.

I love you and your amazing dog.

Love,
Me

1/5/10

My New Years Resolution:
Live my life and my life only and let other people live theirs however they want.
Only participate in things I'm going to benefit from.

12/31/09

Dear you,

I'm tired, shaking, and just when I think my eyes are dry, a new wave of tears hit me. I won't be able to sleep until I put all my thoughts into words though, which is why this happened.
I miss my mom, you, my sister, brother, Virigil, dad, everything.

Never did I want to make you feel like I didn't want you. I love you so fucking much and I know you have the ability to become whatever you want, which is why I get so irritated when you do these things to yourself. You deserve to live a successful, happy life, and I know eventually you'll get there.

We've been through a lot, and even though I said it seems pointless, I know it's not. I wouldn't trade one of those moments, whether good or bad, for anything. We're all made up of our past, present, and future, and I wouldn't change my past for anything. If I could redo life I'd do everything the exact same way. Although, I'd try to make myself less bitter and more understanding. Nothing we've been through was pointless, and I'm sorry for even insinuating they were. I know this isn't pointless either. I know we'll grow from this and it'll only make us stronger.

When something exciting happens to me the first one I want to tell is you. You're the only one who will listen to me when I complain about how much of a bitch my sister is being, or when I just can't stop talking about a certain boy. If I lose you, who am I gonna tell these things to? I really can't thank you enough for being there for me, even when I made it very hard to stick around.

I was stupid and selfish to say I'd give up on you. I won't, for as long as I live. I really started thinking and I realized that you can never give up on family. You've got to be there for them, whenever they need it. That's why they're called family.

Honestly, I don't know why you put up with my shit. I don't know how to let things go, and I make everything seem worse than it really is. We all fuck up, but in the end those fuck ups help sculpt us into better people. I'm just glad I can be here for you when things like this happens. It's nice knowing there's someone out there on your side. Thank you for being on my side.

In the end, we'll all find where it is we're going. I have so much faith in you and I'm so very proud of you. Even though you've had a setback or two, you've accomplished so much. You've molded yourself into a great person, and I'm honored that I could be part of that.
If you fall off the bandwagon, or stray from the path, just know that I will always, always, be here to pick you back up again.

Thank you for never giving up on me, and I promise to never give up on you.
I will be here for you, always.
I love you.
BFF.

Some say that time changes. Best friends can become strangers, but I don't want that. No, not for you. If you just stay with me we can make it through.

Love,
Me.

11/18/09

Thank you for being my hero.

11/01/09

Dear you,

I'm having trouble writing this because there's just way too much I want to say to you; it's overwhelming.
Forever you've been the one I always knew I could count on, and you still continue to never let me down.
You were my mom, my dad, and my Santa Clause.

You made sure we were able to eat dinner every night, and have presents to open on Christmas morning. You are one of the biggest reasons I had a happy childhood.
I remember going to your football games, and feeling so proud because you are my brother.
I'm still proud.

If I could give anything to see you happy, I would.
You've given me the best gifts I could ever ask for, even if they are mouthy and won't keep their clothes on, and I really can't thank you enough.
If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be who I am today.
Thank you for making me a better person.
You are my hero.

Love,
Me.

9/27/09

"The person that you were has died. You’ve lost the sparkle in your eyes. You fell for life - into its traps. Now you wanna bridge the gaps. Now you wanna bridge the gaps. Now you want that person back."

I don't like being unhappy.
I don't like that I've turned into a person I can't love.
I don't like that I've turned into a person other people can't love.

I don't want to think about hurting anyone.
I don't want to live in fear that I might lose someone I love.
I don't want to be so scared that I can't do things for myself.

I want to laugh at things that make no sense at all.
I want to smile without a reason.
I want to be happy.

“I am wonderful."

8/30/09

I am very fortunate to be able to have people that care about me in my life.
It's reassuring to know that there are, in fact, people I can count on.
I've been blessed with amazing friends, and an unbelievable family.
I'm thankful I have all these wonderful people in my life.

I know I'm not the most pleasant person to be around, but these people put up with my shit anyway.
I know I don't say it enough, but I love you all.
And you can count on me.

8/28/09

I believed.
I believed that everything would turn out right in the end.
What a fool I am.
Now I'm stuck thinking, "Will things ever change?"
I feel like such a hypocrite.
I feel monotonous, repetitive, and resentful.
I feel like walking away, and being there for me.
Really, I feel like a bitch.

8/12/09

"I was thinking just today about how we used to play barbie dolls and make-up.
Tea parties, dress up. I remember how we'd fight. We made up and laughed all night.
Wish we were kids again. My sister my friend."

I miss you, a lot.
I wish we were still as close as we used to be.
I wish you didn't decide to abandon your family for your boyfriend.
I wish it wasn't my fault you don't come around anymore.
I love you.

"Do you think you could come and see me sometime soon? We could just hang out like we used to. It's late and I should go, but I can't hang up the phone until I tell you what I don't tell you enough. Even though at times it seemed we were more like enemies, I'd do it all again. My sister my friend."

7/19/09

I always have something on my mind.
There's always something I've wanted to say to somebody.
Now, I will.
Prepare yourself, it could get viscous.